Opinion

The Worst Advice We’ve Read For Women

There are a few general rules that seem almost universal across the internet. Don’t read the comments, an argument is done when someone compares someone else to Hitler, and finally the advice for women is really touch and go.

Having a vagina and being a sucker for clickbait means that I’ve seen a lot of the bad stuff over the years. Here’s the worst of it.

Men don’t like “insert popular fashion item here”. so you shouldn’t wear it.

Off the bat any advice along this line of thought is going to be wrong, because it’s built on the shitty idea that women dress for men. Women dress for themselves, and more commonly dress to impress other woman. I, and other women like myself, do not wear maxi skirts and peplum shirts in order to attract a mate – we do it for the sweet sweet compliments other women give us that nourish our narcissism. Why thank you Jan I DO look amazing in this, and it only cost $20 can you believe it?!

On the rare occasion we actually do dress for a man they should consider themselves lucky, and be happy that they’re getting any time of day while dressed in terrible colour palettes and sweatpants. Conversely if you manage to find a man who does know how to actually dress with a little bit of style, with nobody else’s input, then lock that the fuck down.

You should like any engagement ring you get because it was bought with love.

I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this. Maybe you really do love your intended so much that a pear-shaped diamond set in a gold band isn’t going to be a big deal (and if you want that from the get go you’re going to be happy with anything so just skip to the next point). Maybe you’re not into material things, or you’ve been conditioned to just accept what you get. As a well thought out counterpoint to this, I say fuck that noise.

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If you’re at the stage where you’re old enough to be getting married, you’re old enough to know what you like. If you’re also serious enough about committing to someone for the rest of your life, they should in turn know enough about you to know what ring you’re going to want or suck it up and ask you.

Even if you’re not a terrible human like me, you need to remember you’re not only committing to the person but to that piece of jewellery for the rest of your life. You don’t need to mention it right from the get-go, and you definitely don’t need to be a dick about it when you bring it up, but if you can’t even be honest with your partner about your jewellery preferences then how are you going to be honest about the bigger disagreements.

Learn to take a joke/compliment/my harassment.

Dear Shitty men (note I’m “not all men”-ing myself here so we don’t have to validate that): We know you know what you just said isn’t actually a compliment. None of my friends have ever yelled at me on the street about how hot I look and given how much shit girls talk, and how much we love compliments, it’s hard to see where your confusion is coming from.

Having a vagina is annoying enough with the upkeep required, so we really don’t need microaggressions peppered into daily life as well. Telling us to “learn to take a joke/compliment” is the most effective way for a douchcanoe to shut down an opinion when their shitty comment has offended someone else.

Quick tip ladies for dealing with this shit – if someone makes a sexist, racist, or otherwise off colour joke, pretend to not understand it. Then, in the most sincere voice you can muster ask them to explain it. When they explain again feign ignorance, say you don’t get it, and ask them to explain their answer. Sit back, rinse, repeat and watch them burn.

For “compliments” better women than me have already submitted the ways they like to respond.

Don’t be a bitch, don’t weigh too much, don’t be too loud. Be less.

I fucked up guys. This was meant to be fun and fluffy, but then I kept thinking of advice I’d read online and we ended up here. My bad this one is on me.

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I’ve undoubtedly missed more – off the top of the head I can think of terrible advice involving shaving “down there”, acting dumb to get a guy, and a guy being mean to you meaning he likes you – so make sure to leave your most hated advice in the comments below. Even if it’s mine.

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One comment

  1. My fav is all the stuff along the lines of “if he has his own interests he’s cheating”. Um no that’s healthy and also why are you trying to turn me into a paranoid loon? Looking at you Cosmo, much as I love you.

    Liked by 2 people

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