Don’t Hold Back Your Bitch

Dear modern women,

In our day and age identifying as female is truly a minefield. Between doing our best to not get sexually assaulted, having to argue that the wage gap is a real thing, and dealing with assholes telling us to smile, it’s no wonder most of us are exhausted. Add to this  the gendered terms used to scare us into acting ‘properly’, and it is not a fun time.

If you’re not a doormat then at some point you’re going to be called a bitch. This is a sad reality of the world we live in, but I’m down to say it – it’s time we all embrace being our bitchiest selves.

First things first. There is a BIG difference between being a bitch and being a bitch. I’m not going to patronise you here, you already know what I mean. The most important difference comes down to whether or not you actually did something shit, or if the person saying it’s a dickhead. Unpacking the connotations of the word is a complex issue in and of itself; so in turn there are all kinds of bitch. Myself, I’m a huge fan of the ‘raging feminist bitch’.

The easiest way to tell the kind of bitch you should be, is to ask yourself whether or not you want to be cruel. Being a bitch and being cruel aren’t always mutually exclusive, but long term that can fuck you up inside. Except in the case of revenge, in which I suggest you eat that side dish served as cold as the heart you should strive to have.

Be as honest or brutal as you want, kick ass and take names while crushing your enemies, but if you can’t say you aren’t being unnecessarily cruel then you need to take a long hard look at yourself. If you can be confident in how you’re behaving, then I actively encourage using this to better your life.

Take a look at some of the most interesting female characters in modern media. Miranda Priestly a la ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ isn’t the kind of woman spouting “I’m sorry” every time someone disagrees with her. She didn’t rise to the top of her field and stay there by worrying about how she was perceived by her male or female counterparts beyond a professional capacity. She’s strong, complex, chic, gests results, and was a total bitch. Most of the women I know would kill to be her.

Not having people walk all over you, not fucking with toxic people, and not bottling your shit up so it rots you from the inside are just a few of the many positive outcomes. If someone makes you feel like shit, stop giving them that power. If you want to stab yourself in the eye every time someone talks over you in a meeting then tell that dick you weren’t finished. If you aren’t getting paid the same as anyone doing the same work as you then you need to bitch someone out, in a professional capacity. Be assertive, be confident, be a bitch.

So grab some wine, throw some shade, and don’t let a fuckboy mansplain you. You do you bitch.


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