Vegetables Are The Worst And I’m Always Hungry

Dieting and I have had a love-hate relationship since I was 19. It’s not that I can’t diet, it’s just that doing so taps into my reserve of hatred usually saved for more important things like people who don’t vaccinate, or people who are rude to wait staff.

Since starting down the diet dirt road I’ve yoyo’d in a way that puts Oprah and Kirstie Alley to shame. I love to overeat like a chubby child in a candy store but, like most my age and gender, hate dealing the outcome after. Simply put – eating vegetables makes me want to die, and yes most of my problems fall very squarely in the ‘first world’ category.

Choosing a diet that works for you is a right bitch. Besides the different biological factors to take into account, a lot of them simply won’t work budget or convenience wise. You need to do your homework, and you need to seriously commit because otherwise you are going to fail and you are going to fail hard.

That said there is always one diet out there that may work for you. The key is knowing that this is going to be the rest of your life. Victoria’s Secret models don’t lie when they say they are on a diet, they legitimately live their full-time lives eating food that lets them stay underwear skinny. With this in mind I’ve done the homework required and here are some of the diets that may work for you (and generally that I failed at).

Low-cal Diet = Let’s start off with my true MVP. While on low-cal I lost 12kg in about 5 months. This one isn’t for everyone as you have to eat very little, but there are a shit ton of apps out there to help keep count of what you’re putting in. If you decide to go this route do your homework first and figure out how low with the calories you want to go, and how much weight you want to lose. If you’re lazy then an app like My Net Diary is your new best friend.

Low-carb Diet = After falling off the diet horse and trying to get back on again I thought I would try low-carb, because one of my friends had great success with it. I lasted 4 days and had a horrible time. Low carb is basically the same as low calories, but instead you focus on eating as few carbs as possible. If you love protein and are meh about dairy and stuff like potatoes, this is the one for you. But seriously, who would want to give up fries?

Intermittent Fasting = If you’re a big snacker, but have self-control about what you do eat when you do, then this is the one for you. Another tried and failed for me, the idea for this is to alternate between eating and fasting. There are different versions of this (16/8, eat-stop-eat. 5:2) but despite what it’s advertised as if you can wolf down a Kg of chocolate in less than an hour during your eating period, this is not the one for you.

Paleo Diet = I’ve not tried this one and it’s simply because I would die from starvation. Similar to the food you’re allowed for the low carb, the paleo diet tends to focus more on protein rather than anything else. The idea behind it is that you are only eating things that our palaeolithic ancestors ate. Personally I don’t think this makes sense because there is evidence we used to eat oats in this time period, but a lot of fitness bloggers swear by it. They also have more self-control and better bodies than me so this could be the winner.

There are a bunch floating around on the internet so don’t limit yourself here.  If you’re not keen to exercise then you really don’t HAVE to in order to lose weight (lets not pretend it doesn’t help) so focus on your diet, but work up to working out. Just do it healthily. and try not to tell too many people because otherwise you’ll look like an ass if you fall off the dieting horse a la me.


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