I Should Have Been Put In Charge Of ‘Ocean’s 8’

If you know me in real life then chances are that in the last few months you’ve heard my rant regarding Ocean’s 8, and the direction it should have gone in storywise. Now that the trailer has finally dropped the shit looks goooood, but will I be bitter about what it could have been? Yes. Yes I will.

If you’ve watched the trailer you’ll know that the film is essentially just another Ocean’s film with vaginas instead of a sausage party. The casting looks on point, the characters look like they’re going to be delightful and diverse, and I expect Anne Hathaway may have a double cross set up and be in on the ruse. That or the lady is going to be stupid.

Overall the film looks like it will be on point, and like its predecessor, I hope it will lead into a brand new trilogy centred around Bullock – with her character being the sister to Clooney’s Danny Ocean. All said and done lets now discuss how I would have run this franchise into the 2020’s.

Prequal. Prequal should have been the way to play this. Set the film in the 60’s, and have the main character be Ocean’s mother. This makes sense as a move for plot lines, film fashion, and the lack of technology would mean that there would be the ability to place a heavy reliance on old-school grifts and long cons. This also would’ve left the film to be a build on a larger franchise, while giving it room to breathe creatively. Don’t change the cast, just change the characters.

Setting the film in the 60’s also means that we can have prequel sequels to chronologically join up to Ocean’s 11 in 2001. Ocean’s 9, much like from 11 to 12, keeps the same characters as 8. The addition to make it to 9, this time being a young Danny Ocean himself – with the film set in the 70’s or 80’s. Clooney’s real birthday is 1961 so having 8 take place in the early 60’s before Danny Ocean was born is an easy move, and then you simply adjust the character’s age based on the time peroid you set 9 in. Show the relationship with his mother, and the teething problems faced to become the conman we all know and love.

Ocean’s 10 is set in the 90’s. This time either with or without all of the women from 8. The important part of this film is that it’s showing an older mother, a late 20’s or early 30’s Danny, and that the 10th is Rusty. Show their relationship. Show how the cons are changing with technology becoming more prevalent. Give the mother her proverbial “big one” so she can retire. Give me the characters taking some 90s Wall Street bitches to the cleaners.

At the end of the day though it looks like the film is going to hold up pretty well. The star-studded cast is a big draw and honestly, if a trailer can be trusted, I can’t think of anyone more than Cate Blanchett’s character that I want to be when I grow up.


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