How To Trick People: Into Thinking You Are Doing Work

Sometimes you’re hungover, it’s been a long week, or you really just aren’t feeling it. On these days it really is time to live for the “fake it until you make it” motto, and to fake your way through a workday. If you need it, follow these simple tips:

  1. Eat lunch at your desk.
  2. Look exasperated.
  3. Type loudly.
  4. Sigh loudly intermittently.
  5. Wear headphones.
  6. Print out a bunch of “important documents”.
  7. If you have to actually take a business call. speak loudly.
  8. Open decoy browser tabs that look like your work.
  9. If possible arrange your desk so no one can see your computer screen.
  10. Scatter work materials around your desk.
  11. Scribble notes down regularly.
  12. Disable the sleep mode on your computer screen.
  13. Go to the bathroom every hour and a half.
  14. Check your watch a bunch.
  15. Walk really fast everywhere.
  16. Hold a bunch of stuff while walking everywhere.
  17. Visit a co-worker in a different department.
  18. Ask a lot of questions.
  19. Be sure to send at least three work-related emails throughout the day.
  20. Pretend ignorance while doing something else.
  21. Have an answer ready for when someone asks what you’re doing.
  22. Stay out of eyesight in groups.
  23. Stick post-it notes everywhere.
  24. Try and go to meetings with as many people as possible.
  25. Use your work communication chats to talk shit with co-workers.

If you do all of these things then you can make it through the day. Godspeed.


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